The pastor during Sunday service had said that God really wants our presence more than anything we could ever do for Him, and so after I dropped off my theo reflection paper (late!) this afternoon, i sat down on the benches outside my home building (Faura) and just tried to get on my Big Dad's lap.

I was like, "Here I am, God, please take away all the distractions right now! I want to have some quality time just You and me!" But then my thoughts kept wandering to all the stuff I need to do tonight. French presentation tomorrow and I have to do the powerpoints, plus Game Dev Deliverable: Detailed Design and i need to do all the concept art, and I want to do it right, with lots of bright colors and all!

I stopped my tangent thoughts and said to my self, "No, Ror. Stoppit. Be quiet for a sec and just try to realize that God's here."

As soon as I quieted my spirit, I felt a light breeze blowing and it felt so calming. Then this image came to me of God slowly making me in the most secret of places. He was done with most of me, just the more important things to go. As he was making my hands, he saw all the pain my hands would cause to others. And yet he carried on doing it anyway. As he made my eyes, he saw the things I would expose myself to and he grieved, and yet he continued. As he made my mouth, he saw the hurtful things that I would utter, and he felt the pain I would cause others himself, and yet he carried on. As he made my brain, he saw all the garbage i would fill it with, and all the ugly thoughts i would think, and all the painfully embarrassing memories i would keep on playing over and over again, torturing myself. And as he made my heart, he saw how i would harden steel myself, keep him out. He saw the rebellion, the insecurity and desperation I would feel as an adolescent. He saw all the painful memories i would make. And tears fell on my heart-in-the making. But he continued, because he loved me.

Grabe, I have to write a poem about this. Random thoughts right now, doesn't look like much, but man! did i feel like crying this afternoon outside faura.

God, you're so grabe talaga.